My Sweet Madeline

She is a tough cookie! I am glad this all happened while she was young so hopefully she doesn't have any bad memories of it. T0 her she just thinks she got to spend more time with family members. My goal has been to never let her be scared. She knows mommy was and still sometimes is sick but she also knows mommy gets better. I am cautiously honest with her. I never want to lie to her but I also don't want to tell her something that will scare her. So I walk a very fine line with Madeline.

Back in my hemo days, she would come to the clinic and was never scared of that place. I was more afraid than her! Now that I am on PD she knows she cannot be in the room with me while I am hooking up or disconnecting. But she isn't afraid of the machine. She will just grow up with that being normal.

It's funny some days because now that she is older she picks up on a lot of the lingo of dialysis. One day, she was in the mall with my mom and she said, "GiGi carry me, my feet are swelling!" Its funny now, but then it bothered me. Nowadays, it's nothing for her to get in the car after school and ask how my BP is or did I take my meds today? One day she overheard me talking to Chris on the phone about my BP. It was slightly high and Madeline said, "Mommy go take a clonidine." If she sees me taking my BP she will ask, "high or low?" So she knows a lot for a 4 year old, but that's our life. I don't want to hide it from her and make her afraid.

She came home from school the other day and said, "Mommy, I want to be a doctor when I grow up." I said, "That is so good baby, go into nephrology and be a GOOD one!"