Quickie

I had a quickie, in and out, hospital visit yesterday. I went to the doctor last Friday and he said if I wasn’t better, come back Monday. Well, Monday, yesterday, I felt worse. Turns out I was severely dehydrated. The doctor’s office attempted to start and IV and give me fluids but all of my veins were too small. After two nurses attempted to start an IV and blew 2 of my 3 good veins that I have left, I was outta there. Only to be admitted to the hospital. I went into the hospital with a blood pressure of 50/32. I was at the hospital a total of 3 hours in which my Blood Pressure was never checked. My mom checked it when she got there and it was up to 91/50. I was able to convince the nurse to call my doc so I could go home. What's the point of being in the hospital if nobody is checking on you? They had called a pick line team to start a line on me but 3 hours passed and nobody showed up. So I got myself discharged. No point in giving a substandard hospital tons of money to do absolutely nothing. It would have made me feel better to get an IV and fluids, but I am not gonna sit around and wait forever. There is too much junk like staph and c-diff I could catch while there and that's the last thing I need this close to transplant. So, to sum up yesterdays visit, equals to a complete waste of time. Thank God I have a good PCP who didn’t just keep me in for the hell of it.

I am so sick of this entire situation. The last 30 months have sucked. There is no other way to put it. I cannot wait for the next 44 days to go by. I am sick of waiting on phone calls, clinging to what little info I can get (about myself), appointments, treatments, etc. This is really hard on a person. Maybe I am weaker than most people but this experience has taken its toll on me. I have dark circles under my eyes, pointed out to me by my mother. I am too young to have dark circles. I guess we outwardly reflect what are insides feel like. After I receive Lindsey's kidney, I pray I am brighter and refreshed. It’s like I am getting a second birthday. March 8th will always be my birthday, but June 23rd will be my rebirth date. When I feel like this, blue and down and out, I am just thankful to Lindsey. If it wasn’t for her, this nightmare would just keep going.

Thanks to her, I can go back to being a mama, wife and therapist and forget about dialysis, kidney failure and the many things i have to do daily just to stay alive. I wanna live instead of worrying about living. A concept that has been foreign to me for 2.5 years.