Green With Envy

This morning while sitting in church Bro. Charlie's message really hit home. I know we all are guilty of being envious at some time in our life and that you ask to be forgiven and God forgives you. But I felt the spirit really talking to me today. Many people are envious of other peoples toys or nice things. But that doesn't bother me at all. I pretty much am satisfied with everything in my life except for the occasional thought that crosses my mind, "why my kidneys?" It would be so easy to give into that thought and just be mad at the world over my misfortune. But I don't give into those thoughts. I cannot let them in. I have accepted the fact that God thought I was strong enough to handle this and so I am the one with kidney failure. I believe I am suppose to help others with renal disease find peace on their journey. So when I find that thought creeping in, I have to stop and look around my life and see how wonderful it is. Bro. Charlie says envy is wishing your life is something that it isn't. And I must admit that is a hard pill to swallow. I should be thankful my kidneys don't work? No, but I am thankful that everything else in my body works. And with God's help, the doctors can put me back together with Lindsey's kidney. I do not consider myself a victim of bad luck. I do not consider myself a victim. I have definitely grown and changed over the last two years. I very much felt like a victim in the beginning....but I didn't know or couldn't see what God had in store. If being envious leads to evil, then I want no part of that. I am no longer envious pf people with functioning kidneys. I am not even envious of the people whose kidneys work and they abuse their bodies. I am just thankful for what I do have. And I have a lot of things going good for me. Envy is ugly. So I pray that I don't feel those thoughts ever again. If I am to be more Christ like, then there is no room for envy in my heart!