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Friday, March 12, 2010

The End Is Upon Us......

I am a model patient as far as being compliant is concerned. My doctor even called me "the poster child for PD!" My labs are great, I am probably the healthiest I have ever been in my life (except for the whole kidney failure and blood disorder thing), I strictly follow the renal diet, I JOG everyday, I take my meds everyday, I use sterile procedure EVERY night with PD, I monitor my blood pressure through out the day. I am in great health because of ME. My doctor does nothing to support me. I am doing all the work. And to a degree, I understand I should be doing all the work. But I need a team. I need an accessible doctor and nurse. I need a doctor to not call me "the HUS expert!"The doctor is the one getting paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to be the expert. I do realize when you get sick with something odd and rare, you do learn everything about it yourself, but on the other hand, you want your doctor to know more about it than you. Research it, talk about it with colleagues, communicate with the Mayo clinic and Barnes where the experts are, or if nothing else google it!!!!!!!!!! I just need more.

If by chance my ex-doctor comes across this, I want you to know I forgive you for all of the wrongs. I do believe you have the ability to be a better doctor. I think you need to take a good look at who you have working for you. Some of your nurses work harder than anybody I have ever seen before, but others are just riding the clock. You have one nurse in particular who is great. She is caring, compassionate and patient, but extremely overworked. This nurse would never complain but if she had more help, that would be a step in the right direction. You just can't be your best when you are wearing too many hats!

I don't know what your reason for going into dialysis is or was but this is peoples lives. Those patients are trusting in you to do the best job and I don't believe you are doing that. I don't think I ever trusted you and trust is really an important thing to have when you have someones life in your hands. And hope, you need to give your patients hope. You took mine away very early on but I've got it back. So as we part ways, I hope you get what I am saying. I have always wanted to say this to you but never had the nerve. We both know I am a squeaky wheel but at the end of the day I have a 4 year old and I am going to raise her. So, if you could just be the kind of doctor I wanted you to be, then you will be a better doctor. Just earn your patients trust and don't rip away their hope.

So this is it. I went to my last PD clinic with this doctor. I will be starting a new chapter in April. There are two main reasons I wrote this blog. 1.) Hopefully to help someone else 2.) Get my story from December 2008- March of 2010 out of my head, all in one place and in the past. It is a lot. I will continue to update as my new journey with a new clinic and new doctor and new nurses begin. I am optimistic things will be better. It has to be. There is no place to go but up when you are already at the worst place.

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